"A New Beginning".
I've titled this entry A New Beginning due to the fact that this is the first
entry in quite some time. Work found my last journal page and got pretty ticked about it
due to the fact that it included things and people at work. So from here on out it's
just going to be personall.
So to fill you all in....
Over the past year
we've seen heartache, lost friendships, new friendships, Pain, Laughter, and even some tears.
So
here begins yet another new journey for me. Come along and join me for the ride.
As
most of you know Jeremy and I have broken up. Since that has happened that day remains one of the happiest
in recent memory. Obtaining my freedom from such an incredbly horrible experience in my life was like lifting an enormous
weight off my sholders.
Then I met Tom, which only further added to the wonderfull experiences of my life.
Noone I have ever met has made me smile and laugh the way this man has. For that I am eternally greatful to him. It saddens me that we too are no longer together.
We are however still very good and close friends and while that makes me happy (I'd rather have some Tom then no Tom)
I still can't help feeling such a major loss. What I tought was perfection obviously wasn't.
I'm OK with that now but I'll have to tell you. The next guy that comes into my life has
some pretty huge shoes to fill.
In Other News...
Since I've last posted
an entry, both my brothers' have built their own homes, My Sister-in-Law is pregnant,
and our family continues to grow not just in size and number but also on a much deeper
level. I don't think my brothers' and I have ever been closer than we are today.
Also in other news, I'm finally moving! Hip, Hip, Horray!
The new place is in
in Allentown. It sits up on a cliff and over looks all of Downtown. I'm also on
the fourth floor so the view is incredible. You'll have to come over and visit,
but while you're there pick up a paint brush and lend a hand, PLEASE!
Tonight's Plans!
Friday, Septmeber 5, 2003
Not too much going on tonight that most would consider thrilling, except maybe me.
I'm going home from work to cut the lawn, after which I workout & shower. After that
I plant to start a fire on the patio and sit with a few glasses of wine and the pleasant
conversation of my family. "Boring" you say. No! Never! It's just what the doctor ordered.
There's nothing like the snap and crackle of an open fire, a bottle of wine and
stimulating conversation of loved ones. What's more, Since we're going away for the weekend
staying at home will allow me to save a few bucks for the weekend.Also this week, I written to my
friend Becca. It always makes me feel better when I write to her. She is the straight
equivelant of the love of my life. It's just a complete shame that she has to be so incredibly far away from me.
So I guess that's it till Monday when I write about how the weekend went.
The weekend!
Monday, September 8, 2003
I just couldn't wait to get back here and write all about this weekend. We had
Such a good time this weekend. Last night was like something out of a story book
it was so nice. I spent the later part of the evening talking to a couple of really nice guys.
I really liked their friend Mike. So I continued to sit around and shoot the bull
with them. It was nice then they went to the hottub so I joined them. Mike ended up
giving me a back rub, while I'm in the hottub watching the sunset behind the mountains.
I just couldn't imagine having a better time. Last night was all about good food,
good drinks, and good surroundings. And to boot I met a real nice guy.
In other news
I settled on the apartment this Saturday. I chose Bridgeview. The place is real nice.
It's a bit on the small side, but it's just for me and it's all mine. I'm currently getting really
anxious about moving though. I really want to move in NOW but I'll be in on the 1st of October.
which will come around quick enough for sure. Hopefully I have alot of help from my friends.
Hint Hint :) Wink Wink ;)Changes!
Monday, September 15, 2003
So much is happening around me. I feel like I'm sitting here waiting for my whole
world to change. Last Friday I resigned my position here at Foster Wheeler. I have
officially accepted a position as an associate consultant with a small firm just
outside of Philly. I'm very excited about this oppertunity. For the first several months
I'll be in Horsham. From there I guess I'll be wherever it is that they send me.
Makes no difference to me. As long as the money keep s coming I'll keep giving 110%.
So from new apartment to new job. I start my new position on 9/29 and move into
my new place on 10/1 a difference of 2 days. That's a lot of change for one week,
but I'm actually looking forward to it. Due to the work schedule and commute of the new job, the
major work around the new place will have to be done on the weekends. Furniture shopping
will have to wait a couple of weeks so that I can get all the painting done. In the
end it will all be worth it.
As for how the weekend went....
I had an incredible
weekend. Friday night my freinds from work took me out for "happy hour" to Jac's
we had such a great time. We had such an incredible turn-out. It was nice. Then happy
hour turned into happy evening. We went from Jac's to Mothers' then to out dancing at
Curves. By the time I got home it was 3:30am.
Saturday I went out dancing at the wall
with some friends. That was also a good time. I love getting out and the dance floor
and just hanging out. I ended up running into a whole bunch of people I know, so there
was no lack of people to dance with or talk to. It made for an enjoyable evening.
Sunday morning I contiued to pack things up and get ready for the move. Then in the
afternoon I went up to New Hope for a while, that was kind of a waste of my time.
Noone was really there and it started to pickup by the time I was ready to leave.
Not to mention that the ride was all rainy on the way there, so I couldn't take the top
off the car and enjoy the fresh fall air. After New Hope I decided to stop in
at Candida's, which was also a complete waste of time. Noone was there that I would
want to talk to. SO I just had a beer and went home. I got home and watched some TV before
going to bed. It was a quiet but enjoyable evening.
Weekend Plans
Thursday, September 18, 2003
Well this week I kicked the workout up a notch and I'm one hurtin lad.
The worst areas are my back and my arms. Killing me. I have no idea how I'm going
to get around work today. I can barely move yet alone walk. Trying to get to sleep
last night was a chore. Mike and I chatted for a spell on the phone the other day.
He's cute! He's a real nice guy. Last night I wrote him an e-mail, that I thought was pretty
funny. I also wrote an e-mail to my str8 friend in Texas (Kurt) last night. He asked me to
explain for him what sex is like for us, how it feels. So I just said it how it was.
I hope he doesn't get too embarrassed by the reply. He's a good guy.
As for my plans
this weekend, it's just a whole lot of pack'n. I've got tons of stuff to box up
and stereo equiptment to take apart, DVD players, etc... I'm thinking about asking Joy
to let me in earlier than the 1st. I'm thinking more like next Friday. That way
when me and the people from work go out to the wall that night I can just crash at the
new place. Speaking of which I met Austin last week, a new neighbor. He's a real nice
guy. I told him I'd invite him over once I finally get the place the way I want it.
The biggest projects are going to be the painting (hopefully I'll get some help from
Tom and the brothers) and the metal wall I'm going to put up. I'm also thinking
about putting in a climbing wall somewhere, but I'll have to figure that all out
once all the furniture is in the way I want it. If I have enough room I'll probably do it.
Then the task becomes where to find the holds. So that's it for now. If things change
I'll certainly write about, you can count on that.
Fond Memories
Monday, September 22, 2003
I had such a great weekend.
Friday night I stayed in and extened my workout, and sat in
front of the TV all night. Really nothing spectacular or over the top, just a nice
pleasant evening to myself.
Saturday I did a whole mess of errands trying to get ready for the
apartment. I opened a new bank account which wasn't as easy as it may seem. In the
long run everything worked out OK, and I got a free set of tools out of it. I also
had a flat tire to get fixed which I the garage did while I was opening the bank account.
Got home and did the lawn, did my workout, took a shower, and then relaxed outside
in front of the fire for the evening. Mike called while I was starting the fire, which
was an unexpected surprise. So I sat by the fire and chatted with him for several
hours. It was a great conversation. Ended up a great and relaxing evening.
Sunday
my friend Andy had an end of summer BBQ. What a great time. I drank mamossas sitting
with some great friends and stuffing my face with excellent food. In the evening
we had a fire and I was sitting there with Shannon, Alexis, and Jen. What could
be better.
The more I sit back and think about things right now, life for me
these last several months has just been incredible. I'm the happiest I've been
in a very long time. Hopefully everything will continue to work out so well.
The New Life
Wednesday, November 5, 2003
Well I really can't begin to impress upon you just how much has changed since my last entry.
First and foremost would probably be the new job. I started consulting with a young
firm just outside of Philly. While the work is demanding I really enjoy what I do.
However I always did when I was with FW as well. Now at least I'm with a stable
company. Right now I'm at a client site in Horsham. Really the only thing I don't
enjoy is the commute.
Life at home also continues to get better. I moved into the new place
on the 26th of September due to the fact that I was starting the new job on the 29th, I moved
in one weekend earlier. The place is really coming along nicely. I painted the walls red in the LR
and grey in the DR. The bathroom and the bedroom still need to be painted. I've
also started collecting the artwork for the place. I've picked up several pieces
that I just love. Also I bought all new furniture for the place. The living room
stuff I picked up and moved myself but the bedroom hasn't come in yet and the
dining room I haven't found yet. I think the dining room is going to end up
waiting till after the new year.
Financially I have never been better. FW finally
came through with the last of the money that they owed me and actually I could live off that
for several months without an income so really things have never been better. It's
nice to finally be in a place where I know I could live for a couple of months
without income and not have to worry about being without a job. It's also nice to
have the extra cash around the holiday season.
Love Life? Well I guess it's OK.
I took a step back from Mike and decided to see if he would take the initative to
on his own to write an e-mail or drop me a line. He didn't so I figured just let it go.
This past weekend was Halloween. I went as a Marine and Tom and I went out to the wall
together. I had a good time, Tom disappeared. I spent pretty much the entire evening
on the dance floor. Saturday I went out by myself to the wall. I yet again got up
and danced for most of the night. At the end of the night I ran into Jim and Jon.
Jim and Jon are two guys that Tom and I met several weeks ago at Candida's. I liked
Jon and Jim liked me. Well I got to talking with Jon and well it seems the only reason
he didn't seem interested that night was due to the fact that he didn't want to
step on Jim's toes. So anyhow the long and short hairs of it are that I spent the night chatting
with Jon. So it was nice actually getting to know the guy that I liked from the
beginning.
So that just about brings you up to speed with my life. I have absolutely
nothing on the agenda for the weekend. At least nothing that I can remember anyhow.
What's Been Going on?
Monday, May 10, 2004
I must apologize. It's been so long since I've written anything here. Life has been rather
hectic the last several months. After I started the new job it kind of took over
my life and consumed me. The last client that I was with really kind of changed
my life. But now I am done with that client and have moved on. Life is slowly getting
back to normal. Once again I'm working a regular 8 hour day and getting to spend
more time with family, friends, and time at the gym, which most of you know has become
a way of life for me. So I guess the last time I wrote I was excited about meeting Jon, WoW!
Boy was I off base on that one! Jon and I ended up going on one date and he never called me back.
So that ended just as quickly as it started. Hasn't been anyone since then until now.
Another boi has me excited. We met over the net and we've been chatting for a while now. His letters
are kind, considerate, and just flat out nice. He's very handsome and I do have to say that
I'm rather attracted to him. Not just physically either. I guess you could say that I really haven't
felt this way about anyone since Stephen.
Tom and I have remained friends through everything.
As a matter of fact we got together this past Saturday night. I met the guy he's now seeing, Greg, and while
he seems OK, I think Tom can do better. However, Greg is certainly Tom's type. Rather geeky and balding.
But I think what I didn't like about him was that he didn't talk. I'm always skeptical of anti-social people.
Jeremy was anti-social and look where that went, str8 to hell faster than you could blink. Also I think Tom's
a little jealous. Now that I'm starting to date and getting excited about someone, he keeps asking me to take him back.
As much as I love Tom, and as much as I will always love him, I don't think I could do that again. It
has taken me so much to get over him and become comfortable with seeing him with other guys, and trying to maintain a
friendship, and now that I've accomplished that, I don't want to go back.
This weekend was rather time consuming.
I went out Friday night to Candida's after hanging out with Melissa. Saturday morning I went to New Hope with
my friend Fred. I had so much fun there. Everyone there was telling me how hot, and beautiful I am. It certainly did alot
for the self-esteem. Guys were buying me drinks all day. After that Fred took me to dinner at a real nice resturant and then
to Candida's to meet up with Tom and Greg. We left there kind of early, Tom had a little too much to drink so Greg drove. I could tell
Greg was getting a little pissed. There he is with his "date" and his date is spending all his time talking to me and giving me the looks
while he just sits there in the background.
In other news...
Karen had her baby, so Kevin is now a daddy. I'm a proud new uncle.
My New Nephew's name is Logan Patrick and he's simply adorible. My family had a little party for me yesterday at Bill's. It
was very nice just sit around with my brothers and my dad. It made for a very comfortable evening. After Bill's I went to Diamondz to
watch QAF and chat with Neil. While I was there I bumped into a couple of people that I knew so that was fun. From Diamodz I went to
Candida's just for one cocktail. I just wanted to see who, if anyone was there. It was pretty lame in there so I finished my drink and
went home.
So I guess that pretty much brings you to speed with what's been going on with me lately.
I promise not to go so long without writing again.
And of course I'll keep you up to date with what happens with the new guy.
"The Skinny"
Thursday, June 3, 2004
Things have been kind of rollercoaster here the last couple of weeks. From the work
situation to the boi situation to the car situation. All in all I guess one thing
is that I have my health, thankful for my friends (God thank you so much for Melissa),
and my family. I guess that's more than a lot of people have and I should be eternally greatful
at having all of that. Unfortunately I can't stop there. I also want other things.
Maybe that makes me a selfish person. Maybe that makes me a bad person who's going to hell.
But you know what it's how I feel damn-it! I'm not going to rid myself of desire simply by casting it aside
or ignoring what I feel is right, just, and deserved.
Where's this going?
Well I have met the man of my dreams. The one man who goes to no end to see me smile
or make me happy with the desire for nothing in return. The very thought of him
makes me simply extatic and calm all at the same time. He's the first man that I've
met that I truely WANT to be around, not just do things with. And by that I'm not
saying what you think. I mean I simply want to be WITH him, in his presence. With
other guys I've wanted to take them to dinner, take them to gallery openings, take
them to friends parties etc.... With this guy I would do anything just to lay in the
park with him on a nice day. Even if noone ever gets to meet him - I don't care!
I just want to be there by his side. The feelings I have for him are the strongest
I've had since Stephen (my first) - OH so many years ago. And we are dating. I do see
him on a regular basis and every time we get together it's like something out of
a movie script. From fooling around in a fountain in CC Philly in the middle of the
day to cuddling in the park, him sleeping in the sun while I read resting my head
on his chest. I feel so at home either in his arms or with him in my own. Thing
is while I know how deeply he cares for me (he shows it nearly daily) he has a
demon to overcome. He's scared. And he has every right to be scared, I don't blame him
I felt the same way when I first met him. Scared of what might happen if things
ended up not working out, but the more I looked at it the more I thought "things with
Tom didn't work out and looked where we are today. He's now dating three guys and
this past weekend I met all three and felt ZERO jealousy. Actually I was happy for him.
Something that makes him smile makes me happy and these guys make him smile. I guess the
part that makes me a little anxious is that this guy (not mentioning any names)
wasn't really looking for something special and now it's making him nervous and
he's doing a lot of soul searching. Not to mention it's not really the best time for
him to be going through added dilemas in his personal life. From family related issues
to unhappy work environment, to lack of trust in himself. I seem to be one more thing
that he's trying to "figure out". For now I'm just trying to play things out with him.
I'm letting him figure things out giving him space when needed, being close when
needed and I've decided not to persue anyone or anything else till he figures things
out. I don't want anything to get in the way if we do persue things together.
In other areas of interest:
Logan is in the cranky stage of his infancy. I can
tell it's working on Kevin's nerves. I'm sure probably Karen's as well, though I haven't
seen Karen since this stage hit just over a week ago. I did see Kevin though on Saturday.
Not this past Saturday but the one prior. Melissa and I went over to help dad
uncover the pool. Let me re-phrase that... I went over the house to help dad uncover the
pool. Melissa went over to lay in the sun. It made for a very nice day. We were supposed to
be there for just over an hour but we ended up spending the whole evening. Mom and dad
cooked out on the grill, Kevin was there, Mark was there, and Bill even stopped in
for a bit.
Work?
Work is kind of going OK. Our associate is working on getting
me steady work in Center City Philly to easy the transition for the impending move there
in 4 months. I can't believe that my year lease is up in 4 months. It seems like just yesterday
I moved into the place. Lesson learned there though. No more painting. Leave the
place be. I now have to paint the whole place back to white which I'm not looking
forward to. Especially with my work, commute, and workout schedule. Speaking of commute schedule...
THE CAR! I'm so upset. the car broke down three weeks ago. The original estimate was $800 then went to
$1100 and is now resting (for now) at $1400. This BETTER be it for a while. The next thing that goes
wrong I'm selling the damn thing and getting a new one. By then I should be in a
situation that I can come and go from work via public transport for a little bit till I have
time to look at new cars. Boi how I love that car though! I'd really miss that thing if I had to get
rid of it though. OH well....
